


Open my eyes and colour my world

by artisticvelvet



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-09-29 18:01:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20440178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artisticvelvet/pseuds/artisticvelvet
Summary: Somewhere in her life, Joohyun lost the ability to feel excitement, the colours of her world slowly fading like ink in the rain.Until she came along.





	1. One

Joohyun had never been the person to truly appreciate or even notice the little things in life.

Whenever someone advised her to find happiness in the smallest details, the everyday aspects of life, she would find herself unable to do so. As much as she tried, there was no happiness. No sense of reality. Her mind was constantly floating.

There was no skip of a heartbeat, nor butterflies or excitement. Just a stone at the bottom of her stomach, crushing any signs of life.

There had been rare occasions when she had felt some appreciation for life as it was. Her friends.

Sometimes, the sight of her two best friends had given her a feeling of security. That there were in fact two people who she felt safe with. Some kind of evidence that maybe, just maybe, not all hope was lost, and that she was not the spiritless person she thought herself to be.

Joohyun would never tell them though. Not only because she was probably the most unskilled person on the surface of earth in terms of expressing herself with words. But also, because she was afraid.

Afraid that once those words left her mouth, life would turn against her and prove her wrong. Convince her that perhaps it was all just a lie she had made up, and that in fact she would never be able to feel something. That the emotions she might have felt were just illusions, desperate wishes for something impossible.

Captured in desolation until the last grain of sand in the hourglass of her life would fall, and she would leave this world without ever having felt any genuine happiness, or just anything.

Because it seemed like as the seconds ticked by, Joohyun became more unresponsive. She was made of wet cement, slowly hardening. And she was afraid that if the cement broke, there would be nothing underneath it. Nothing left to save.

So, she would rather smile than fully express herself.

Smile at how Sooyoung teased Seungwan as the latter slapped the girl on her arm, obviously not amused at whatever the taller girl had come up with to tease her. As she did almost every single day.

“Joohyun, are you sure you want to share a room with a devil like this? Because I wouldn’t’’, Seungwan shivered at the thought.

Joohyun chuckled.

“I mean, since you are not coming with us I have no other choice, so…”

“Okay, now I’m offended. You guys are hurting my feelings”, Sooyoung frowned, dramatically putting a hand on her chest.

“Didn’t know you had those”, Seungwan smirked.

“That makes two of us”, Sooyoung shrugged.

“Three”, Joohyun says, lifting her hand.

Seungwan’s smirk turned into a gentle smile. She observed the two standing in front of her, as if she was trying to capture every detail, memorize every feature, for this would be their last goodbye.

“I’m really going to miss you guys… even with all the annoyance of the past 15 years…”, Seungwan shot a glance at Sooyoung.

“You’re welcome”, Sooyoung said, bowing in oh-so-much-gratitude.

“We are going to the same university. Besides, the dormitory is only 30 minutes away. We can easily meet up’’, Joohyun said, attempting to lift up the mood.

“I know, I know… it’s just…”, Seungwan bit her lip, her eyes shifting from the left to the right. “We have been neighbours for 15 years. We always walked together to school…’’

“Made some crazy memories’’, Sooyoung smiled at the thought.

Seungwan nodded, softly chuckling before continuing with a sigh.

“But now… it’s not going to be like that anymore… I’ll really miss it…”, she takes a step forward and pulls the two into an embrace. “You guys are growing up so fast, already moving out and stuff”

“Wan… I’m older than you…”, Joohyun couldn’t help but state, before quietly smiling.

“And I’m taller, so that makes me older in a way”, Sooyoung argued, earning a slap from Seungwan on the back of her head.

“Shut up”

“Ah, this is how I always imagined our goodbyes to be. How romantic!”

“Park Sooyoung...”

“Is that a tear I see?”

“Shush.”

“Awh, I didn’t know you loved us so much!”

“Not sure about you.”

“…….…… I know you know you love meeee.”

“I hate you so much right now.”

“There is a thin line between love and hate.”

“She’s got a point.’’

“Joohyun. Please. Not you too…”

***

She quietly observed the building where they would be spending their days attempting to survive college life. A place she would pass by several years into the future, reflecting on her youth, floods of memories washing into the abandoned corners of her mind.

The uncertainty of what would play in her heart as she looked back to the past days of her student persona was enough for her surroundings to turn black and white, getting smaller until the last bit of light abandoned her, leaving her behind to be the victim of obscurity.

However, it seemed like her best friend would not let her fall that easily as she startled Joohyun by giving her a few slaps on her arm.

“Are you trying to give me bruises or something?”, Joohyun said as she caressed her tortured skin.

Sooyoung’s smile grew as she clapped excitedly.

“Hyunnie, can you believe that this is will be it?”, the taller girl clasped her hands together. “We are finally going to have a taste of college life and independence. Oh, we are going to meet lots of new people, go to fun college parties, make some crazy memories! I really can’t wait!”

A grimace appeared on Joohyun’s face upon hearing the words ‘new people’ and ‘college parties’.

“Yea, you lost me at ‘lots of new people’. I’ll be fine with just spending my days quietly at our dorm.”

Sooyoung raised one of her eyebrows and put her hands on her hips.

“Oh, come on Hyun… try to be a bit more excited! Do you really want to waste your days away like that?”

Joohyun bit her lip at the thought. She had often contemplated about the way she had been spending her life.

And the more she pondered, the more uneasy she felt.

However, whenever images of parties appeared in her brain, sweaty bodies, people whose rudeness increased under the consumption of alcohol, deafening music and blaring voices which made ears bleed and throats hurt, she felt her energy being drained and not one tiniest fraction of excitement.

But who was she kidding anyways? She hadn’t felt excited for a very long time, and it seemed like it would never happen again.

So why would she even try to change her way of living?

“I just… don’t feel like it. It’s not my kind of thing Sooyoung… you know that…”, she said, her voice smaller. 

She turned her gaze away from the taller girl as the latter’s eyes displayed a hint of worry.

“Joohyun, please just listen to me for a second”, Sooyoung gently grabbed the older girl’s shoulders and slightly squeezed them, asking for her attention.

Joohyun rubbed the back of her neck and sighed.

“Fine…”, her eyes met her friend’s.

“Do you really want to continue living like this? Missing all of these opportunities that, who knows, might actually help you out?”

“It’s just… I don’t think they will help… the idea of doing all of that already sucks up my energy.”

“How do you know it won’t help if you don’t try it?”

“Because I feel like I’m a hopeless cause.”

Sooyoung frowned at her answer and Joohyun felt herself getting smaller.

“Hyun… yo-”

“Can we… stop talking about this?”, she asked, hoping the taller girl would notice the pleading look in her eyes.

Fortunately, she did.

“If you really want to then okay.”

“Thank you”, Joohyun said, letting out a breath of relief.

Sooyoung wrapped her arms around her and squeezed her gently.

“Just want to say that you are not a hopeless cause. I’m not giving up on you, even if you are the most stubborn woman on this planet. Which you are by the way.”

Before Joohyun could answer, the taller girl distanced herself and gave her a slap on her arm, causing the older girl to let out a pained sound.

“Now let’s go! I can’t wait to check out our rooms!”, Sooyoung squealed. She grabbed her luggage and ran away to the front door of the building.

Joohyun let out a small chuckle at the sight of her best friend behaving like a kid in the middle of a candy store, before quietly dragging herself and her luggage to the entrance.

***

“This. Is. The. Most. Comfortable. Bed. In. My. Life!”, Sooyoung said, letting out a satisfied sigh after jumping on her bed.

Joohyun tried her best to suppress a smile and threw one of the taller girl’s bags on top of her bed, attempting to catch her attention.

“Yah, Park Sooyoung! We just arrived here, and you’re already making a mess? Unbelievable…”

Her best friend, however, didn’t bother to react, and instead moved her arms and legs back and forth as if she was trying to make a snow angel on her bed.

Joohyun rolled her eyes and dragged her own luggage next to her own bed where she sat down on in order to take a better look at their bedroom.

The room was a bit small and yet somewhat cosy. Their beds were separated by two little nightstands in the middle. There was also one closet which they would have to share, though Joohyun was almost entirely sure Sooyoung would just dump her clothes on a chair instead of putting them in their supposed place.

The taller girl suddenly sat up straight on her bed and grabbed one of Joohyun’s wrists, disrupting her thoughts.

“Come on, let’s go”, she said as jumped off her bed.

Joohyun frowned and tried to free her wrist, which resulted in a few unsuccessful attempts as Sooyoung had an iron grip.

“What do you mean by that?”, she asked, her sceptical tone giving away her doubts.

“Why do you always look at me like I’m going to lead you straight to hell?”

“Because you usually do.”

“That’s not tr-”

“Remember when you wanted to go to the middle of an empty field just to find out if it was true that lightning struck people? Or when you ‘lent’ your parents’ car for a supposed ‘few minutes’ while having no driving license, only to crash against Seungwan’s parents’ car after three seconds of driving? Or when you wanted to skip class a few times to go to who-knows-where and, luckily, I was there to save you from being expelled for like one month? Or wh-”

“Okay! Okay… point taken… but that was a few years ago, I’ve become a different person now!”, Sooyoung protested.

“…sure…”, Joohyun replied, not sounding very convinced.

“I just want to take a look around the building. There is nothing wrong with that, right?”, Sooyoung waved her hands dramatically to emphasize her point. “Just to get familiar with our surroundings.”

The older girl bit her cheek, clearly not appreciating the idea.

“I don’t know… I’m pretty tired and I don’t really feel like walking around.”

“What if a fire breaks out and you die in vain because you didn’t know where to go, and your last thoughts would be: ‘oh, if I had only listened to my most beautiful, perfect and smartest best friend, Miss Park Sooyoung.’ Now, wouldn’t that be a bummer?’’

The older girl gave her a slap on her arm, letting out a chuckle.

“Fine, I’ll go with you. As long as we keep it nice and short.”

“Deal”, Sooyoung said, her famous grin growing on her face, as she pulled Joohyun by her wrist and led her out of their room into the people-filled hallway.

While the crowd made the taller girl feel excited, Joohyun couldn’t help but wish she was back in the quietness of her room. She lowered her gaze to the floor, only looking up for a few seconds here and there in order to remember enough details to find her way back.

The strong smell of coffee entered her nostrils and Joohyun felt herself grimacing at the smell. She looked up and observed the somewhat quiet coffeeshop.

Though she did appreciate the more peaceful atmosphere, her hatred for the liquid was far stronger.

“Out of all the places, you take me to a coffeeshop?”

“I need an energy boost. And besides”, Sooyoung pointed at the menu on the wall. “They also have hot chocolate. And we all know of your love for a cup of hot chocolate. Now come on. It’s my treat.”

Joohyun scoffed as she had no arguments left to throw out, earning a smirk from her best friend.

They joined the short line of people and soon it was their turn to order.

“Hi, what can I get for you?”, the barista behind the counter asked.

“One hot chocolate and…”, Sooyoung tapped her chin in thought. “And one Gingerbread Frappuccino please.”

“Would that be all?”

“Yep!”

Sooyoung handed him some money and told him to keep the change. Just as they were about to walk away from the line to a table nearby, a sudden voice halts their movements.

“Wow, you must really love the taste of sugar huh?”

They both turned their heads, and Joohyun stole a quick glance at Sooyoung, whose confused frown got replaced by an amused smirk. She then observed the owner of the voice; a short-haired girl with big brown eyes and a playful smile on her face.

“In fact, I do. I’m impressed you guessed so.”

“It’s not hard to guess when you just ordered the definition of diabetes.”

Sooyoung let out a laugh.

“If it tastes good, I’m fine with it’’, she said as her gaze travelled over the girl. Joohyun almost looked away in embarrassment at her friend’s obvious flirty behaviour. “So, how about you? What do you prefer?”

The girl’s smile grew as her fingers gently tapped the counter.

“I prefer something… stronger”, she said, also letting her gaze travel over the taller girl before turning her head to the guy who patiently waited for her order. “Could I have a double espresso please?”

Sooyoung whistled. “Well, you weren’t lying when you said you liked something stronger.”

“I never lie”, the girl smirked. “It’s both a curse and a gift.”

“Good thing I’m a fan of honesty myself”, Sooyoung took a step closer, however she still kept a reasonable distance between them. “So, could I ask you for your name?”

“Yerim. Kim Yerim… how about yours?”

Sooyoung extended her hand towards the shorter girl, which the latter seemed to gladly take.

“Park Sooyoung, nice to meet you”, she said, before slightly bowing.

Joohyun bit her lip as she observed the very cringey scenario unfolding in front of her, noticing how the poor guy’s voice became smaller after being ignored for a second time. She coughed in order to get their attention, before pointing at the barista.

“Uhm… would that be all?”, he said, slightly blushing.

“Oh sorry. Got a little bit distracted”, Yerim said, stealing a quick glance at the black-haired girl. She then turned to the right, her eyes evidently searching for someone.

“Seulgi, have you already decided on what you wanted? We are all growing old here!”

Joohyun followed Yerim’s gaze which led her to a girl who was squatting in front of the display case consisting of various types of cakes; or more specifically the view of the girl’s back.

The latter slowly stood up and straightened her back, one of her hands on her hip, before suddenly turning around and making her way towards the short-haired girl, with a smile on her face and her monolid eyes shaped in crescent moons.

Joohyun was not the type of person to stare at someone. She was too shy for it, and honestly, nothing really managed to capture her attention anyways. Not since years ago, when things still made her excited and curious.

Until today, that is.

“I’ll settle on hot chocolate!”

“Wow, you finally made a choice”, Yerim chuckled before finishing their order and paying. The monolid girl gave the shorter girl a back hug, thanking her for the treat.

Yerim shrugged it off, telling her it was not a big deal, before returning her gaze to Sooyoung and Joohyun. Specially the taller girl.

“This is Seulgi, my roommate.”

Joohyun gulped as she made eye contact with the monolid girl, and it took all of her strength to not avert her gaze somewhere else.

“Hi, I’m Kang Seulgi. Nice to meet you!”, she smiled before bowing.

“Uhm, Bae Joohyun”, she answered, her voice small, while returning the gesture.

“And I’m Sooyoung. The lover of all that is sweet”, the taller girl smirked, making sure she took a quick glance at Yerim when pronouncing the word ‘sweet’.

Joohyun rolled her eyes at the cheesiness, feeling herself drown in second-hand embarrassment.

“Want to join us? There is a table there with four seats”, Sooyoung suggested.

“Sounds perfect”, Yerim said. “What do you think Seul?”

“I’m fine with anything!”, Seulgi said, her smile reaching her eyes, as if they held the brightest of lights.

Joohyun would lie if she said she wasn’t the least bit affected by the sight of it. She wondered how it had been when her own eyes had displayed the same amount of warmth and excitement. It felt almost surreal to look at someone who seemed to be the opposite of her.

And as time went by and the four talked, or rather the three of them while Joohyun participated here and there by sharing a few words, the contrast between them became clearer.

Seulgi had a gentleness to her that the older girl couldn’t help but be drawn to. Even though, like Joohyun, she seemed to be more of the introverted type, she still displayed this warm and approachable vibe.

It almost made the older girl instantly trust her, which was something nearly impossible to achieve. Seungwan and Sooyoung had been rare exceptions, and even then, it had taken a few years for her to trust them. Joohyun still couldn’t help but feel uneasy at sharing too much details about herself.

So why was it any different now? What was it about the girl, who she barely knew, that made her feel something so unfamiliar to her? Who seemed to turn the impossible into the attainable?

Joohyun lifted her cup of hot chocolate to keep herself busy, only to find out that it was already empty.

The disappointment must have been evident on her face as Seulgi suddenly pushed her own cup towards her with a gentle smile on her face.

“Here, I still have some left if you want”, she said as her eyes formed themselves into crescent moons, a sight that made Joohyun’s heart flutter.

“Uhm, it’s okay… you should drink it. It’s yours…”, she answered, barely able to make any decent eye contact with the girl.

“I don’t mind sharing!”

Usually Joohyun would’ve stubbornly insisted that she didn’t want it until the other person would give up.

However, something about Seulgi seemed to have made her unable to say no. Maybe it was the genuine look in her eyes or her smile. Maybe it was her gentle voice. Or the warmth she radiated. Or perhaps the fact that she might be the cause for Joohyun’s rapidly beating heart.

She didn’t exactly know.

So, she accepted the drink and shyly thanked her.

Seulgi gave her one last look, one last smile, before redirecting her gaze to the other two girls.

Joohyun observed how she placed her chin in her right hand and laid her left on the table. How her long dark brown locks cascaded over her back, and her bangs covered a bit of her sharp eyes. Her eyes travelled from the beautifully sculptured side profile to her shoulders and down, noting her lean build, the slenderness of her body.

There was a charm to her that Joohyun couldn’t put into words.

She found herself being captivated by the sight.

And having no idea what the conversation had been about.

***

Sooyoung had always been one of those people with a tremendous amount of luck. It seemed like she was the universe’s favourite, being granted almost anything she wished for. So Joohyun shouldn’t have been surprised when they stepped into the elevator occupied by Seulgi and Yerim, after spending an interminable night of having to listen to Sooyoung’s constant talking about her new crush and her regrets for not having asked her number or about the location of her room.

Yet, she hadn’t expected to cross paths ever again with the monolid girl, let alone immediately the day after.

And for once, she wondered whether the universe had finally decided to give her a small taste of good fortune.

***

They found out that their room was on the floor just above them, and at the end of the hallway. Sooyoung had also managed to get Yerim’s number and Joohyun already knew that from that day on her best friend would be glued to her phone, probably ignoring anyone else’s existence.

She secretly pondered on ways to ask Seulgi for her number, though she knew fully well she would never dare to do so.

As the four of them walked together to the main building, Joohyun’s self-conscious grew the more she focused her attention on the girl next to her.

She grabbed her books tightly and tried to keep her gaze firmly on the floor, however she couldn’t help but steal a glance here and there.

Seulgi was smiling at Sooyoung and Yerim’s playful and flirty interactions, her hands in the pockets of her jeans and the strap of her bag over her shoulder. Her hair was tied up in a messy bun, and yet Joohyun was certain she had never seen anyone more beautiful.

She forced herself to focus away from the monolid girl, feeling her heartbeat increase the longer she stared.

“They seem to like each other a lot, don’t they?”, Seulgi suddenly said, starling the older girl.

As their eyes met, Joohyun felt herself slightly blushing. She quickly turned her head away from the girl’s gaze.

“They do…”, she quietly replied.

“Guess that’s the power of coffee”, Seulgi chuckled, a sound Joohyun had found herself to appreciate hearing.

“Their cheesy behaviour is worse than coffee to be honest, and that says a lot”, she replied, her gaze slowly travelling from the floor and higher, coming to a halt on the taller girl, whose smile grew as she nodded.

“I would take hot chocolate over coffee any day.”

Joohyun felt the corners of her lips curl upwards.

“Me too.”

“Especially in the winter during a snowy day, wrapped in a blanket while watching a movie”, Seulgi said as her eyes sparkled at the idea, like specks of sunlight.

Joohyun felt herself being enchanted by them.

“That does sound nice…”, she said, her mind slowly drifting off to the thought of winter. However, instead of any excitement, all she could feel was hollowness inside of her.

“The winter is nice. Everybody thinks of it solely as a cold season, but I think the vibe that comes with is warm. Cities and skies are covered in lights because of the holidays and like I said, it’s perfect for hot chocolate and movies. Oh, and the sight of the park under a blanket of white snow? It’s beautiful…”

“I have never been to the park in the winter…”, Joohyun said, a moment of realization hitting as her as she thought about the many things she had missed out in life.

Seulgi’s eyes grew in astonishment and the thought of pinching her cheeks briefly crossed the older girl’s mind.

“You’ve really never been there during the winter?”, she asked.

Joohyun shook her head.

“You have given me a mission then!”, Seulgi said, nodding as if she had taken a huge amount of responsibility.

Joohyun raised her eyebrows, a small smile forming on the corner of her lips.

“Which is?”

Seulgi’s smile grew and the older girl subtly bit her cheek, trying to cool down the wave of heat that was hitting her.

“I’m going to take you to the park this winter when the snow falls.”

***

“She followed me back on Instagram!”

“Look at these pictures!”

“Isn’t she cute?”

“Isn’t her smile the most beautiful?”

“Oh, she can play the guitar!”

“She sings as well? Oh my god.”

“Isn’t she perfect?”

“Joohyun, isn’t sh-”

The older girl pushed away the phone that was being held against her face.

“Sooyoung, I’m trying to focus on school… shouldn’t you as well?”

“What is school when Kim Yerim exists?”

“You are horribly cringey.”

“It’s her doing. She has charmed me, Hyunnie!”

Joohyun rolled her eyes, trying to suppress a chuckle. She took a look on the screen of her own phone and unlocked it after seeing a notification.

“Well, looks like she followed me as well.”

“That is perfect! Now you can appreciate her as much as I do! Or well, not as much. Definitely not as much. But you get the drill’’, Sooyoung said, as she jumped back on her bed with a huge smile on her face.

Joohyun followed the short-haired girl back and scrolled through the latter’s profile, before returning to her notifications, her smile instantly disappearing as her gaze landed on four words that made her heart nearly jump out of her chest.

kangseulgii started following you.

Her fingers slightly trembled as she followed her back and scrolled through the girl’s profile, carefully observing her posts.

Pictures of landscapes, people and drawings. Despite of the beautifully taken photographs, Joohyun couldn’t help but be drawn to Seulgi’s pictures of herself, taken with vintage filters she seemed to favour.

Sharp features, mesmerizing eyes and her enchanting, gentle smile; soft and warm.

Her favourite.

That afternoon, school was forgotten.

***

“I’m going on a date with Yerim. See you later!”

Those had been Sooyoung’s last words, before she disappeared for the rest of the day, only returning at their room around 12am.

It had been almost two months since they had met the two girls, and ever since, the four of them had spent time together before and after their classes.

Sooyoung and Yerim had grown a lot closer and more daring, and Joohyun could almost feel her ears bleed at how much her best friend talked about her crush.

It was cute, that she couldn’t really deny.

However, Joohyun wanted to focus on school, especially since the exams were around the corner.

Or to be more precisely in one month.

And it didn’t help that both Sooyoung as well as a certain Kang Seulgi had been distracting her continuously.

Specially the latter.

They had grown a bit closer and more comfortable as well.

Joohyun had told her a bit about her memories with Sooyoung and Seungwan from their childhood until now, and Seulgi had listened to her carefully, focusing solely on her and free of any judgments.

She felt herself opening up bit by bit to her, the fear within her slowly fading.

Her interest for Seulgi had grown stronger, and sometimes she would wonder what was behind those smiling eyes and cheerful yet calm attitude.

Joohyun had found out about the girl’s passion for drawing and dancing, as well as her knowledge of movies and her hobby of doing things by herself, such as discovering the city on her own.

She also enjoyed looking through the pictures and video’s the girl would sometimes post on her Instagram story, often pictures of things Joohyun had never thought someone could be excited about.

And she could feel her heart appreciate them a bit more as well.

***

Joohyun dragged herself to their room at 6pm, after having finally finished her last test. She was more than ready to enjoy a much-needed winter break and looked forward to taking a shower and indulging herself in the blankets of her bed.

But it seemed like Sooyoung and Yerim had some other plans as Joohyun found them in their room kissing like every second ticking would be their last.

The older girl instantly turned around, her back facing the pair, feeling her blood rush to her head because of the sight she had just seen.

She coughed, attempting to get their attention, and after hearing Sooyoung’s awkward ‘hello’, she felt safe enough spin on her heels and put her hands on her hips, hoping to convey her message loud and clear.

“You guys could’ve warned me that you would be all up in each other’s faces before I got here, you know?”

“Ah, sorry for that …”, Yerim apologized, her fingers awkwardly tapping Sooyoung’s arm, though it was obvious she was trying to suppress an eruption of laughter.

“Speaking of which, I wanted to ask you whether you can switch rooms with her for tonight”, Sooyoung casually asked.

Joohyun’s eyes widened in response, earning a smirk from her best friend.

“W-what? Switch rooms?”

“Yea… like Yerim will stay here, and you will stay with Seulgi. I swear it’s just for tonight!”

The oldest girl crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows upon hearing Sooyoung’s not-so-convincing promise.

“And why do I have to be the one to get out?”

“To be honest we were kind of both lazy and… in a rush… and this room was the closest to the entrance of the building, so yea…”, Yerim said.

“Besides, even if I would be the one to switch rooms, in the end you would still stay with Seulgi anyways, so I figured it wouldn’t really matter”, Sooyoung reasoned.

“Have you told Seulgi about this?”, Joohyun tapped her foot impatiently.

“No, but don’t worry, she is okay with almost anything”, Yerim stated very matter-of-factly.

Joohyun’s gaze switched back and forth between the two girls sitting on the bed in front of her, trying to recollect her thoughts.

It was not like she had lost her stubbornness and her ability to counterargue everything Sooyoung suggested, as she usually did.

However, the idea of switching rooms for the night and spending more time with Seulgi was not something she opposed, specially since she had locked herself up in her room to study for the exams.

Though she did feel a bit nervous just thinking about it.

So eventually, she just sighed and agreed, rubbing her forehead in order to ease the headache her best friend was often responsible for.

“Fine…but”, she pointed with her two fingers at the duo. “Just for tonight.”

Sooyoung put a hand over her heart.

“I swear on my honour.”

“You don’t have any honour.”

“I’ve got to agree with her on this.”

“… Yerimmie… you are supposed to be supportive.”

“Sorry, but I cannot live a life built on lies.”

“Ouch.”

***

After having finished gathering her pyjamas, toothbrush, toothpaste, shower items and clothes for the next day, Joohyun found herself being nearly thrown out of the room.

“Alright, finished everything?”

“I thin-”

“Great!”, Sooyoung interrupted her while giving her a few pushes towards the hallway. “Text me when you’ve arrived sound and safe at their room alright? Bye bye!”

“Sooy-”, Joohyun said, wanting to protest against the younger girl’s behaviour, but getting the door slammed in her face instead.

She rubbed her forehead and took a deep breath.

“She’s really going to be the death of me…”, she whispered while adjusting the strap of her bag on her shoulder.

Slowly walking to the elevator, all sorts of thoughts rushed through her mind, possible anxieties about probably unrealistic bad events that could take place that night.

Her heart slammed in her throat as she pressed the button to go up, and it skipped a beat as the elevator came to a halt.

It took her a few minutes to arrive at her destination, as she purposely prevented herself from fastening her pace, pondering on whether she had made the right decision.

Yerim had been so confident in Seulgi’s easy-going attitude, however Joohyun couldn’t help but think of the possibility of disappointment in the monolid girl’s eyes, or perhaps disapproval at her presence.

What-ifs filled her brain, nearly cracking her skull open, a volcano bound to erupt.

She took another deep breath as her eyes travelled over the light brown door. Her arm trembled as she lifted it to knock on the door, briefly hesitating, before doing the deed.

Seconds felt like years, and she wondered whether Seulgi was home or her knocking hadn’t been loud enough for the latter to hear.

As she was gathering strength to knock once again, the door was suddenly unlocked and pulled open, the girl appearing behind it with her dark brown hair tied up in a messy bun and strands of her bangs loose on her forehead.

“Hey, did you forget your ke-…… Joohyun?”, Seulgi’s eyes widened upon seeing the older girl, obviously not expecting her.

“Uhm… hi…”, she awkwardly waved.

They had met each other three months ago and Joohyun had been almost sure she felt comfortable being with the younger girl.

So why was she so distressed about this? They were friends, right? There was nothing wrong with a friend casually dropping by to hang out or spend the night.

Unless Seulgi didn’t feel that way of course.

Joohyun bit her lip as she looked into the girl’s eyes filled with confusion.

“Did something happen to Yerim?”, Seulgi asked, confusion getting replaced with worry, a sight which pained the older girl.

She quickly shook her head.

“No, no, don’t worry…uhm… she’s fine… she’s… with Sooyoung… in our room…, which is the reason why I am standing here…”, Joohyun’s voice became smaller, and she had to gather strength in order to not look away.

Seulgi tilted her head, evidently puzzled.

And Joohyun found the sight very cute as well as equality distressing.

“They kind of asked me whether I could… uhm… switch rooms… with Yerim…”

The confusion in the younger girl’s eyes immediately vanished and she looked at Joohyun with an unreadable expression.

“It’s just for tonight!”, Joohyun quickly added, her restless growing at the lack of ability to decode Seulgi’s thoughts. “And then I’ll be gone. Unless, you don’t want me to be here… I could always just… kick Yerim out of my room… it’s really no problem at all!”

She tightened her fingers around the strap of her bag, trying to distract herself from the younger girl’s gaze, even though she couldn’t help but look anyways.

Seulgi’s eyes suddenly widened as if she finally understood everything Joohyun had told her, and a smile appeared on her face.

“Oh! Now I understand!”, her eyes formed themselves into crescent moons and the older girl felt her knees getting slightly weak at the sight. “Of course, it’s no problem at all!”

Joohyun let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding in.

“Yea… they kind of wanted… alone time… if that’s how you want to put it…”, she rubbed her neck, feeling her cheeks burn as glimpses of the incident she happened to stumble upon creeped into her mind.

“Well, I was actually planning to watch a movie and drink hot chocolate while being wrapped in a blanket”, Seulgi pointed with the thumb towards the window behind her. “Since it’s cold and raining and we are finally on a winter break. Want to join me?”

Joohyun smiled, wanting nothing less than to spend time with Seulgi, the idea sounding perfect to her ears.

“Sounds like a nice idea…”

“Great!”, Seulgi’s smile grew, warmer and brighter than a fireplace in a dark and cold room.

“Come on in then”, she said leaning forward to gently grab one of the older girl’s wrists and gently leading her inside.

And Joohyun followed, feeling her skin nearly melt under her touch.

She wouldn’t have preferred it any other way.


	2. Two

“Well, this is our room… sorry about the mess”, Seulgi scratched the back of her head. “Yerim and I aren’t really the neatest people out there…”

Joohyun’s gaze travelled over the place.

A few shirts were laying in the middle of the room as well as the pillows that were supposed to be on the small couch. Blankets hanging on the edge of the beds instead of being folded neatly. Dishes waiting to be washed.

Messy might have been an understatement.

“So I’ve noticed…”, Joohyun frowned.

“Yeah…I bet your room looks like the complete opposite huh?”

“Not when a girl like Park Sooyoung exists. She is even more unorderly than you and Yerim combined… which makes me a bit scared to return to the room tomorrow to be honest’’, the raven sighed.

“Why think about tomorrow when you can live in the now?”, Seulgi grinned.

“That’s a nice attempt to distract me from how chaotic all of you are with a cringey statement”, Joohyun raised one eyebrow.

“It was worth the try”, the monolid girl chuckled. “Now come on, let’s go watch a movie instead of focusing on less important stuff like how orderly this place is.”

“Less important stuff? Orderly? I beg to differ… Besides, wouldn’t it be better to first tidy up things around here before watching a movie?”

“Oh, come on… don’t spoil the fun”, Seulgi pouted.

Joohyun bit her lip at how insanely adorable the monolid girl looked and she almost gave in.

Almost.

“Work hard, play hard. Figured it was a good cringey quote to match with yours. Let’s just at least wash the dishes and throw those shirts on a chair… since it’s better than them lying on the… ground.”

Seulgi let out a small sigh accompanied by a smile.

“Fine…”

“That’s settled then.”

“So… rock, paper, scissors over who is going to do the cleaning and who is going to do the drying?”, the monolid girl suggested with a smirk.

“I’m assuming we both would rather do the drying than the cleaning huh?”, the raven crossed her arms.

“Yeah… pretty much”, Seulgi laughed, her eyes in the shape of the crescent moons Joohyun adored so much.

“Loser cleans”, Joohyun said lifting her hand ready to play the game.

“Bring it on. I am more than ready”, the taller girl smirked while lifting her own hand.

“Well you’ve got a lot of confidence for someone who is about to lose.”

“There is a 50% chance of winning, so I’ll focus on that part.”

Joohyun chuckled.

“How naïve.”

***

In the end, as Joohyun had predicted, Seulgi ended up being assigned the role of cleaning the dishes after having chosen scissors against rock.

“Well, I guess you were right about me being the loser”, Seulgi scratched the back of her head in disbelief.

“What can I say? I never lose”, the raven laughed.

“This is not over Bae Joohyun!”, the taller girl narrowed her eyes as she pointed her finger at the raven.

“Sure, it isn’t”, Joohyun smirked. “I would love to kick your ass more often. Now come on, let’s just do the dishes and be over with it.”

Seulgi nodded in agreement.

“Alright. But first…”

Joohyun frowned in confusion before her eyes widened at the taller girl’s sudden proximity as she stood just a few inches away from her.

The sound of her heartbeat was loud in her ears and her cheeks were burning.

The raven tilted her head upwards and she found herself looking into Seulgi’s eyes.

Brown eyes which seemed to have been greeted by the sun, gleaming with warmth and reflecting life, their darkness capturing her and leading her away from a sense of reality.

She could only focus on them.

Just like she had seen in those romantic movies she didn’t believe to be possibly true.

Yet, here she was.

Experiencing the impossible.

Joohyun solely got pulled out of her trance when she felt the taller girl’s fingers brush against her shoulder as the latter took a hold of the strap of her bag.

“Here, let me take that. If you keep it on your shoulder like that it will get sore.”

The raven blinked once. And then twice. And then another few times.

“But it’s not heavy at all though”, she said, her voice merely above a whisper.

“Even the lightest things can get heavy if you carry them for too long.”

Joohyun felt her heart ache at those words, knowing how much truth they range when it came to herself.

But what pained her the most was the brief flash in Seulgi’s eyes. A small moment in which they did not sparkle and reflected sorrow instead of their usual liveliness.

A moment so miniscule one could have easily missed if one hadn’t been paying attention.

But Joohyun did.

Because when it came to Seulgi she couldn’t think or look at anything or anyone else.

Just as she wanted to ask the taller girl whether there was something wrong, the usual specks of sunlight in her eyes reappeared along with a small smile.

Seulgi walked towards a chair at the end of a bed and laid the bag down.

“I’ll put it here next to Yeri’s bed if that’s okay with you?”

“Hm… I guess that’s orderly enough…”

“Good. I was a tiny little bit afraid you would scold me for being messy again”, Seulgi laughed.

“You’ll get away with it… for this time”, Joohyun smirked.

“Does that mean that there will be a next time?”

“… most probably yes.”

The taller girl chuckled, and the sound played with the strings of Joohyun’s heart.

“I can’t wait for it then.”

“Do you like being nagged that much?”

“Not really”, Seulgi smiled. “But it’s fine if you are the one to do it.”

“Y-yah! Kang Seulgi! Don’t say things like that”, Joohyun averted her gaze anywhere except for the monolid girl, feeling a wave of heat hit her, her cheeks burning in the colour of red and pink.

“Why not?”, the taller girl frowned sounding genuinely confused. It made the older girl want to place a few small kisses on the frown lines of her forehead.

“N-nevermind. Let’s just wash the dishes otherwise we won’t have any time left for the movies”, the raven said, immediately walking towards the sink.

She grabbed a towel to dry the dishes and threw over her shoulder, leaning against the wall as she waited for Seulgi to come over.

The latter pouted as she observed the big number of unwashed dishes.

“This is too much…”

Joohyun grinned.

“And whose fault is that?”

“Have mercy on me please.’’

“Is that a request for me to help you clean?”

“…maybe…”

The older girl found herself almost giving in to Seulgi’s pleading, nearly unable to resist the look on the younger girl’s face.

“Not a chance. Now hurry up. Unless you want to stand here all night long.”

“Okay, okay… you win”, Seulgi smiled.

“When don’t I?”

***

Joohyun observed the taller girl’s every movement as the latter washed the dishes, completely focusing on her task, while she dried the same plate over and over absentmindedly.

Seeing the usual bright girl being serious and concentrated while doing chores played with the raven’s insides. Something so simple and yet the older girl couldn’t help but fall more for the monolid girl because of it.

She found herself staring at her, until the latter locked suddenly locked their eyes.

“A bit more of drying the same plate and you’ll make a hole in it”, Seulgi chuckled.

Joohyun wished she could bury herself under the ground being caught red-handed staring at the girl for the second time that night.

“Oh… yeah… sorry.”

Seulgi averted her gaze to the plates in front of her and continued to wash them with a small smile on her face.

The raven bit her lip as she stole glances of the girl.

“So, what were you thinking about?”, the monolid girl asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Well… you looked like your mind was drifting somewhere far. Specially since you have been drying the same plate for like five minutes.”

Joohyun tilted her head slightly to the right in confusion.

How did Seulgi notice something like that when she was so utterly focused on the plates in front of her? For as far as she knew, the taller girl had never once looked at her.

“Uh, I wasn’t thinking of anything.”

“Really? Didn’t look like that.”

“I really wasn’t.”

She was actually telling the truth, since she had been more focused on staring at the monolid girl rather than really thinking about anything.

“If you say so…”, Seulgi chuckled, obviously not convinced. Joohyun rolled her eyes and let out a small laugh, before grabbing another plate and drying it.

The raven jolted at the feeling of a few drops of water being thrown at her face.

She quickly wiped it off and looked with widened eyes at the taller girl who seemed to be very amused with her own deed as she laughed at the raven’s reaction.

“Did you just… throw water at me?”

“Maybe”, Seulgi shrugged, before quickly putting her hand under the tap and throwing another bit of water at the raven.

“Okay…”, Joohyun laid the small towel over the already dried plates. “You are asking for it.’

As soon as she said those words, she took a quick step towards the tap, filling her hand with water and slinging it towards the monolid girl who pressed her eyes closed and looked away in an unsuccessful attempt at escaping from the amount of water thrown at her face.

She dried her face with her bare arm and looked at Joohyun, who displayed a victorious smirk.

The raven quickly grabbed Seulgi’s wrist as the latter tried to put her hand under the tap and tried to grab a bit of water herself.

She reached out her arms and rubbed the water on Seulgi’s face as the latter return the same gesture.

Laughter filled the room along with some shrieks and the sound of water being splashed.

Joohyun had never felt as excited as this before, her heart overfull with joy.

And she loved it.

Specially because Seulgi was the one who made her feel alive.

***

“You’ve never watched a Ghibli movie?!”, Seulgi exclaimed dramatically putting her hands on her head in shock.

“No… I’ve heard people talk about it but I’ve never watched it myself…”

“Well, then we are going to change that today!”, she stated, immediately typing in the words on her laptop.

Joohyun chuckled.

“Sure, I’m pretty curious.”

“Ghibli movies are perfect for… any time in life. Thought I do prefer them at night and in the winter. Because it warms and protects you against the cold weather! It makes you happy and yet a bit melancholic. And the details of everyday life are caught so precisely and beautifully, it makes you appreciate them even more! Oh and the designing? Wow, breath-taking. As well as the plots. Actually, just anything really’’, Seulgi said, her eyes sparkling at the thought of the movies, a sight that always took Joohyun’s breath away.

And she was sure that no matter how beautiful the movies were, they could not compare to the girl sitting next to her.

Nothing could.

“I’m going to go with the classic of Spirited Away. It’s the most popular. Though it’s not my favourite, it’s one of my top movies and the best one to start with.’’

“Can we watch your favourite after this one?”, Joohyun asked. She was truly curious about Seulgi’s favourite, eager to know what appealed to her, what moved her.

She wanted to know as much as she could.

“Sure!”, Seulgi nodded enthusiastically.

Just as she was about to start the movie, the monolid girl suddenly stood up.

“Anything wrong?”, Joohyun frowned, slightly worried.

“I almost forgot the most important thing of tonight”, Seulgi’s said with a rather serious tone.

“What is it?”, the raven asked, her worry for the girl growing.

“We can’t watch the movie without a cup of hot chocolate, can we?”, the monolid stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Joohyun let out a sigh.

“Ah, you scared me. I thought there was something very wrong…”

“A winter movie night without hot chocolate is wrong.”

“Point taken”, Joohyun chuckled.

“I’ll go and make it quickly. Just wait a few minutes.”

“I don’t really have any other choice, do I?”

The raven knew she didn’t, because she knew that she would wait for the girl for as long as it took. Always.

Seulgi smiled, her eyes shaped like crescent moons.

“Nope. You don’t.”

***

Joohyun really liked the movie. Both because of its magical elements as well as their ability to portray the smaller things in life as something that needs to be appreciated.

However, as much as she really wanted to finish watching it, she felt her energy being sucked out of her body as the day’s event began to sink in. Or more precisely, the continuous studying and tests taken.

She couldn’t remember much except for her heavy eyelids during the last moments of consciousness.

And how she slowly fell to the side, feeling comfortable warmth surround her just before she fell asleep.

***

Her eyes flickered open, the sight of the ceiling being the first thing she saw when waking up.

Joohyun stretched herself, arms over her head, before blinking a few times while trying to remember where she was.

She suddenly sat up straight in the bed upon realizing that she was laying in Yerim’s bed.

“How on earth did I get here…”, she whispered to herself, scratching her head in thought.

“Did you sleep well?”

Joohyun frowned as she looked up to see Seulgi leaning against the door frame with her arms crossed and a smile on her face.

And that’s when it dawned upon her.

How she had fallen asleep while watching the movie on the couch next to the younger girl.

And she was almost entirely sure that she had not walked by herself to Yerim’s bed.

“Y-yea…”, Joohyun felt her cheeks burn. “Uhm, sorry for falling asleep in the middle of the movie…”

Seulgi shook her head.

“You don’t need to apologize for that Hyun-ah. It’s fine! As long as you rested well!”

Joohyun bit her lip at the way her name, or rather her nickname, rolled so easily of the monolid girl’s tongue.

“Now come on. I made us breakfast. Or actually… brunch…”

“What time is it?”

“12:47.”

“Oh my god, have I been knocked out for this long?”, Joohyun gasped.

She was used to being an early riser. Every time she would wake up slighter later than usual, she would nag herself for being lazy and wasting time.

Seulgi chuckled.

“Yep. Kind of surprising since I was expecting you to wake up earlier than me.”

“Sorry…”

The taller girl frowned.

“For what?”

“For staying this long in bed while you were busy cooking and stuff…”

“You really don’t need to apologize for that.”

“But I should’ve helped you”, Joohyun pouted as she played with the edges of the sheets.

“It’s fine!”, Seulgi chuckled. “Cooking can be fun. Especially when it’s for you.”

The raven snapped her head to the right, locking eyes with the taller girl.

“W…what did you say?”

Seulgi smiled.

“Nothing.”

“B-”

Joohyun didn’t finish the sentence, as she felt her breath getting caught in her throat when Seulgi suddenly walked towards her.

She reached out for the older girl’s wrist, her fingers gently wrapping themselves around it.

“Come on, let’s eat. I’m really hungry’’, she said, her voice softer and warmer than the wool blankets surrounding the raven.

The latter gulped as she could feel the taller girl’s warmth due to their proximity, the skin of her wrist burning even more compared to last night.

“O-okay”, she stuttered, barely able to breathe.

Seulgi grinned as she nodded towards the door and softly pulled Joohyun by her wrist.

The latter instantly reacted, getting out of bed and letting herself being led by the taller girl.

And at the moment she was at least sure of one thing.

That she would gladly follow her anywhere.

***

“So? How does it taste?”, Seulgi asked, her eyes focused solely on Joohyun, making the latter feel extremely self-conscious.

“I haven’t even tasted it yet. And how can I eat comfortably when you are staring at me like that?”

“Sorry”, Seulgi scratched her head, chuckling at her own behaviour. “It’s been a long time since I’ve made sujebi, and last time it was kind of a failure so…”

“So, you are using me as your victim?”, the raven raised one eyebrow.

“Pretty much”, the taller girl grinned.

Joohyun gave her a playful slap on her arm as she shook her head in disapproval.

“Well… I’ll try it out then”, she said as she dug the spoon in the bowl.

She brought the spoon to her mouth and paused briefly.

“Just so you know, if something happens to me, like if I die or something, I will come back to haunt you as a ghost.”

“Okay, maybe you shouldn’t eat it after all.”

“Too late”, Joohyun smirked as she put the spoon in her mouth.

Seulgi’s eyes were glued to her as she carefully watched her every movement.

The raven actually quite enjoyed the taste. It wasn’t as bad as she thought it would be, because to be honest, she really expected for Seulgi’s second try to be a bit of a failure as well.

“And?”, the monolid girl bit her lip.

“This is actually pretty good… I’m honestly surprised, but I really like it!”

Seulgi’s lips curled up and a wide smile appeared on her face, her eyes sparkling in joy. Joohyun reflected the smile, as nothing made her happier than seeing Seulgi being this lively.

However, her smile got replaced by a frown as two seconds later she felt her throat burn due to the spices of the dish.

Joohyun coughed while vending herself with her hand as she felt her head burn and her eyes tear up.

“Hyun?”, Seulgi shot her a worried look.

“Holy shit, this is spicy. I think I’m actually going to die”, she said as the coughing became worse.

The monolid girl immediately got off the chair and ran towards the fridge, grabbing a carton of milk and pouring some in a glass.”

“Here”, she handed it over to the older girl who downed it in one go.

Joohyun couldn’t feel more blessed with the existence of milk.

“Oh god, are you okay?”, Seulgi asked as she squatted down next to the raven, putting her hand on the latter’s back and carefully caressing her.

“I’m breathing, so I guess that’s good enough”, Joohyun quietly chuckled. She felt two tears stream down her cheek. “That was spicier than I thought.”

“I’m so sorry for that”, Seulgi scratched her head. “I love spicy food, so I guess I tend to go a bit too far with it…”

“Well I’ll keep it in mind for next time.”

Seulgi’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Next time? You would actually dare to try my cooking again?”

“Despite this…traumatizing event… I would gladly try everything that you cook.”

Seulgi’s eyes formed themselves into crescent moons upon hearing Joohyun’s words. The raven felt her heart skip a little beat at the thought of having been the one to make her smile.

“Unless it looks or smells like death itself. Then I will definitely not put that in my mouth.”

“I’ll make sure to give you only the best”, Seulgi said as she looked into the raven’s eyes with an expression that made Joohyun’s heart race, to the point she was afraid that the taller girl could almost hear its rapidly beating sound.

Just as the raven opened her mouth to answer, the door suddenly got thrown open, making both girls jump in surprise.

“Heeeeeellooooooo”, Yerim sang with a wide smile on her face as she threw her bag on the couch.

“Wow, back so soon?”, Seulgi asked as she stood up.

Joohyun couldn’t help but feel a bit disappointed at what seemed like the end of their time together.

“Yea… unfortunately Sooyoungie had to go take her last test today”, Yerim sighed. “I already miss her.”

Joohyun rolled her eyes.

“Oh, she still has to take a test? That sucks’’, Seulgi said, feeling bad for the girl. Joohyun, however, could only concentrate on one thing.

“Did you guys keep it clean?”, she asked, crossing her arms.

“Oh come on, Hyun. It’s kind of hard to when you are both alone at night and can’t get your hands off each other. Besides, how do you expect me to be clean when she is so insanely ho-”

“THAT”, Joohyun quickly interrupted. “was not what I meant…”

Yerim tilted her head and frowned in confusion.

Joohyun rubbed her forehead and sighed.

“I meant the room…”

“Oh”, Yerim awkwardly smiled.

The raven was in awe at how the girl could switch from having absolutely no shame at all to the complete opposite in just a few seconds.

“Uh, no. It isn’t ha… sorry…”

Joohyun sighed again.

“You will hear this often from me, but… I swear you guys are going to be the death of me…”

“Is that another way of saying you love us?”

“Absolutely not”

“That’s a yes.”

“Don’t twist my words.”

“Just telling the truth.”

“…I wonder what I have done in my past life to be cursed with two devils like you and Sooyoung.”

“Probably something great.”

Joohyun sighed.

“Whatever.”

“I won”, Yerim laughed.

“But Hyun-ah… I thought you said you always win”, Seulgi smirked.

“Don’t you dare helping her out after having nearly murdered me with your spicy food, Kang Seulgi.”

“…okay, you got me there…’’

“Wait… did Seulgi cook?”, Yerim’s eyes widened at the new information. “You never cooked for me! I’ve never seen you actually cook!”

Seulgi scratched her head as she awkwardly smiled.

“Sorry for that ha…”

Joohyun bit her lip. She couldn’t help but feel her the inside of her stomach being tickled at the thought that she might have been special enough for Seulgi to cook for her.

Yerim walked towards the table and grabbed a spoon to taste the monolid girl’s sujebi.

“Wai-”

She put the spoon in her mouth, briefly chewing on the dough before swallowing it.

“Hmm… this is pretty g-”, Yerim said before starting to cough violently.

While Seulgi ran towards the fridge to grab the carton of milk, Joohyun smiled triumphally.

“Seems like this soup was hotter than Sooyoung, huh? ”

***

A few hours later and Joohyun was sitting on a chair, her fingers tapping the desk as she felt her heart aching for Seulgi’s presence.

After having spent so much time together, she couldn’t help but yearn for more.

She bit her lip as she recalled the tight hug the taller girl had given her just before she had left their room.

How Seulgi had wrapped her arms around her and had rested her chin on the top of the raven’s head. How Joohyun had pressed her head against the girl’s chest, the sound of her heartbeat bringing a sense of peace to her she never thought it was possible to experience, closing her eyes at the sensation.

And she wondered how long it would take to see the monolid girl again.

Because the longer they were apart, the more she felt her heart calling out her name.

***

Sooyoung and Yeri had gone on a date one day later leaving the older girl behind.

Joohyun was reading a book in order to try distracting herself from the monolid girl when she heard someone knocking on her door.

She frowned as she put her book down and walked towards the door, not having expected any visits.

Wondering whether it were Sooyoung and Yerim because of god-knows-why or some other student who was lost, she opened the door, her heart briefly standing still as she looked into a pair of monolids she could have recognized out of a million of others. Eyes she had grown to adore.

“S…Seulgi?”

“Hey”, the taller girl smiled gently.

“What are you doing here?”, Joohyun asked, her voice just above a whisper.

“It’s the first snowfall.”

The raven raised her eyebrows before turning around to see snowflakes falling, their whiteness a contrast to the sky which had darkened despite it not being night-time yet, some finding their place to rest on the window.

“Oh…”

“I wanted to watch it with you.”

Joohyun could feel her insides burning at the statement.

She had often heard about the belief that if someone spent the first snowfall with the one they loved, that love would blossom between them. Or that they would be together for the rest of their lives.

It was often something portrayed in series as well and she had seen Seungwan cry whenever they watched a drama like that.

Joohyun, however, had never paid much attention to it. The first snowfall was for her like any other snowfall. Besides, she was not one to be a hopeless romantic like her best friend.

But it seemed like today all was about to change.

Because Joohyun couldn’t stop keeping those reasons in mind.

The reasons for wanting to spend the first snowfall with someone.

With her.

“Only if you want it though. Otherwise, you can tell me to get lost and slam the door in my face’’, Seulgi chuckled.

“Of course, I want to…”

She wanted it more than anything.

“Great”, the taller girl smiled.

“Come on in”, Joohyun stepped aside to let her enter.

As Seulgi took off her shoes and stepped into the room, the raven observed her quietly, trying to print every detail in her brain, as if the girl standing in front of her was about to disappear. As if this was a dream and she wanted to treasure every moment of it afraid of forgetting.

She got pulled out of her trance by Seulgi, who had again gently grabbed her wrist and slowly led her to the window, her eyes brighter than the lamps which covered the streets in light.

“Look at how beautiful it is…”, Seulgi gasped as her eyes focused on the falling snowflakes, her mouth slightly open in awe, making Joohyun want to place small kisses on the corner of her lips.

The taller girl suddenly locked their eyes, a small smile appearing on her face.

The raven could feel the blood rush to her head instantly.

“Feel like taking a walk around the park?”

“While it’s snowing?”, Joohyun asked.

Seulgi shrugged.

“It looks gentle, there is no snowstorm and besides, what is better than seeing the park covered in fresh snow?”

Despite being somewhat surprised with the sudden idea, Joohyun didn’t need to think twice about her answer.

“Let’s go.”

***

A walk around the park had turned into two hours spent outside, covered in the gentle and cold touch of snowflakes as they left their marks on the white grounds of the earth.

“You were right…”, Joohyun said as her gaze travelled over the sight of the park. “This really is beautiful.’’

She took a deep breath, her lips shaped in a small smile.

“And incredibly peaceful.”

The raven looked at Seulgi who returned the gesture.

“Thank you for showing me this…”

She bit her lip.

“And for being here with me.”

She decided not to utter those last six words.

“I’m glad you liked it”, Seulgi smiled, her voice genuine and filled with warmth, making Joohyun forget about the cold that surrounded them.

A snowflake fell on Joohyun’s nose.

The taller girl chuckled before gently letting her finger run from the bridge of her nose down to where the snowflake had landed.

The raven briefly closed her eyes upon feeling Seulgi’s soothing touch.

She opened them and found herself looking into the taller girl’s eyes; soft, warm, peaceful.

Capable of accelerating her heartbeat as well as comfort her.

Reassure her.

Alleviate her pain. Even if for just a moment.

“Feel like drinking hot chocolate?”, the monolid girl whispered.

Joohyun nodded as her smile grew.

“Sounds perfect.”

***

It was one of those days.

Those gloomy days when Joohyun woke up feeling heavy for what she thought was no reason to.

Stones in her stomach, dragging her down, drowning her in an ocean of anguish.

When she shifted between numbness and sorrow.

Feeling herself getting lost in despair.

Joohyun would often suppress those feelings and pretend she was feeling fine, while her heart ached, cried blood, its scars deeply engraved.

She would try to get her mind of it, not wanting to worry her friends, and simply trying to get through the day.

And today was one of those days.

A day near the end of January.

Lessons had started three weeks ago, and right now, Joohyun was dragging herself through each one of them, desperately wishing for the day to be over and for her to return to the room.

To close her eyes, sleep and wake up, hopefully better.

Or possibly worse.

However, those plans were disrupted as their room had been occupied by Sooyoung and Yerim.

The two girls remained quiet, much to Joohyun’s surprise.

“Why the silence?”, she quietly laughed, each chuckle deepening the aching throb in her heart.

“Hyun… what’s wrong?”, Sooyoung frowned, her voice full of concern.

She waved her off.

“Nothing. Don’t worry”, she lied, forcing herself to smile.

“But y-”

“I’m fine Sooyoung.”

“It doesn’t look like it”, Yerim said.

“So, you guys want the room tonight?”, Joohyun asked, ignoring the youngest girl’s statement.

“We don’t have to tonight”, Yerim said.

“It’s okay. I’ll just go to the other room. You guys can stay here. Just let me get my things.”

“Hyun, we really don’t mind if you want to be here…”, Sooyoung protested.

“Did you guys see my black sweatpants? Oh wait, never mind. I found them!”

Sooyoung sighed.

“Most stubborn woman on the planet…”

“Hey! I heard that!”, Joohyun chuckled as she threw the strap of her bag over her shoulder.

“That was my intention…”

“Of course, it was”, the raven smiled. “Well, see you guys tomorrow then. And please don’t trash this place. Last time was already a hell. Don’t do that again.”

“We won’t this time. Promised”, Yerim said, obviously concerned about the older girl.

Joohyun threw one last smile before stepping into the hallway and closing the door behind her.

Immediately her smile vanished as the pain in her heart increased, an aching burn, bitter and agonizing.

She walked with heavy steps towards the elevator and pressed on the button.

The only thing she could look forward to was seeing Seulgi again.

Maybe that would alleviate her anguish a bit.

At least, she hoped so.

She stood in front of the door and took a few deep breaths to suppress the tormenting inside of her, before knocking on it.

It took Seulgi less than three seconds to open the door.

As if she had been expecting her for there was no surprise in her eyes.

“Hey, Seul…”

“Hey…”

“Uhm…Yerim switched rooms with me for tonight again.”

“Thought so”, Seulgi smiled. “Come on in.”

Joohyun stepped inside the room, quietly walking towards the bed and laying her bag on top of it.

She wasn’t looking at Seulgi and yet she could feel the latter’s eyes burn a hole in her back.

Silence dominated the room, except for the sound of the hollowing wind outside.

Joohyun turned around and shot a smile at Seulgi, before walking towards the couch and sitting on it.

Her eyes moved towards the taller girl’s laptop, which displayed a movie that had been paused.

“What movie were you watching?”

She felt the monolid girl settle next to her on the couch.

“Midnight in Paris.”

“Ah, I don’t know that one. Then again, I don’t know much about movies”, the raven chuckled.

Seulgi remained silent for a few minutes and Joohyun didn’t dare to look at her, afraid that her eyes would spill her secrets.

“Hyun.”

“Yeah?”

“What’s wrong?’’

It were two words. A simple question.

A question Joohyun had often avoided answering truthfully to.

She had often lied her way out and it had become kind of a habit.

So why did she find it so difficult to lie to Seulgi?

And why was she unable to keep the tears from streaming down her cheeks and the sobs from coming out of her mouth?

She buried her face in her hands, letting out sobs and feeling herself shake tremendously.

Seulgi didn’t say anything.

Instead she wrapped her arms around the raven and pulled her close.

One of her hands caressed her arm while the other gently held Joohyun’s head against her shoulder.

The older girl buried her face in the taller girl’s clothes, trying to soothe the pain by embracing herself in her warmth. Her presence.

“I…I don’t know what’s wrong with me…”, she whispered as the tears continuously streamed down her cheeks.

Seulgi tightened her grip, caressing her arm and back.

“I don’t know why this happens to me… it just does… every now and then it happens… and it hurts so much…”

The taller girl remained silent and it made all sorts of thoughts gain life in the raven’s mind.

She lifted her head off the taller girl’s shoulder, her gaze fixated on her on her own hands.

“Sorry.’’

“For what?”

“For making everything depressive. For ruining your mood and bothering you with things like these.’’

“You are not bothering me.”

“You are always so bright and happy and I’m just… not…and it feels like I’m wearing you down…”

“You don’t have to be. You don’t have to be happy all the time, Joohyun… You don’t have to pretend you’re fine while you aren’t. You are not wearing me down.”

“I just… don’t want you to feel bad because of me…”

“Please don’t think of it that way. You are not a burden to me. I want to hear your worries and thoughts no matter how sad or happy they are. You don’t have to feel uncomfortable around me.’’

“But I don’t feel uncomfortable around you…”

“Then don’t be afraid to let things out. Get them off your chest if it helps. I’ll be there for you when you need me.”

Joohyun looked up at the taller girl who was observing her with worry in her eyes.

Despite the look, she also found her peace in them. In their genuine warmth.

She found support.

She always did when Seulgi was beside her, even when they had never talked about the more emotional side of things.

When she was with her, she felt like she couldn’t hide.

Like suddenly she wore her heart on her sleeve and the taller girl could read her like a book.

And that made the pain a bit more bearable.

Joohyun closed her eyes and let herself rest against the taller girl’s shoulder again, putting her arms around her to pull her closer.

And Seulgi did the same.

The raven listened to her heartbeat and found comfort in it.

In its soothing sound.

In how Seulgi gently moved whenever she inhaled and exhaled.

In how she caressed the older girl’s back.

In how Joohyun felt her breath against the top of her head.

She felt herself drift off to sleep, exhausted from her outlet of emotions and just that day in general.

But not before she uttered the words “thank you for being here with me.”

***

“You know, it’s pretty funny how you are both born in March’’, Sooyoung said.

“Why is that so funny?”, Joohyun raised her eyebrow.

“I don’t know. Like you are the complete opposite of each other and I think that’s pretty funny.”

“And what does have to do with being born in the same month?”, Yerim asked.

Sooyoung shrugged.

“Don’t know. Just random thoughts. Besides, it’s already next month. We should think about how to celebrate it.”

“We could go out?”, Yerim suggested.

Joohyun, however, was one to immediately protest against it.

“No way. You guys can go, but I’ll just stay comfortably at home.”

“Here we go again”, Sooyoung rolled her eyes.

Seulgi chuckled.

“She is right. You are truly each other’s opposites.”

“When is your birthday by the way?”

The monolid girl’s smile faltered upon hearing the question, making the older girl frown in worry.

“Me?”, she asked pointing at herself.

“Duh? Who else?”, Sooyoung smirked.

“Oh, uhm… the 10th of February.”

Joohyun gasped.

“But… but that’s next week!”

“Yea… I guess it is?”, Seulgi rubbed the back of her neck.

“Why didn’t you tell us? We have to plan how to celebrate it!”, Sooyoung said, waving her hands dramatically.

Seulgi, however, was quick to protest.

“No, no, no! It’s fine, don’t worry… I don’t celebrate it anyways…”

The frown on Joohyun’s forehead deepened.

“You don’t?”

“No. I don’t really feel the need to. But it’s okay, really!”, Seulgi smiled, however this time it didn’t reach her eyes.

Instead, they were filled with sadness and darkness other than the dark brown colour. A sort of grief that went much deeper than the surface.

A sort of agony that seemed like it had been haunting her for years.

Joohyun felt her heart sting for her.

“Oh my god, I just realized that your birthday is two weeks before Seungwan’s. I feel like an outsider being the only one born in September”, Sooyoung pouted.

“You deserve that for being a giant’’, Yerim said.

“Wow rude.”

“Just stating facts.”

“I’ll side with her on this one”, Seulgi chuckled.

Joohyun remained silent, solely observing the monolid girl.

How she seemed slightly different since the question about her birthday.

How her eyes had lost their spark and her smiles seemed forced.

How she constantly played with the edges of her sleeves.

And how she seemed to avoid making any eye contact with the others.

No, she was not okay.

And Joohyun wanted to find out why.

Because the thought of Seulgi being hurt pained her more than anything else.

And all she wanted was for her to be happy, for her to live her life in happiness.

Because she deserved it.

She deserved everything.

***

Joohyun was standing next to Seulgi as the latter was busy cleaning the plates while she was drying them.

Sooyoung and Yerim had taken over her room again, but she was more than okay with it.

Not only because she had been spending more time in Seulgi’s room anyways, but also because she wanted to talk to her.

Talk to her about the conversation of earlier that day.

She wanted to hear what had been playing in Seulgi’s heart, because honestly, she didn’t know.

Despite the monolid girl always reassuring her that it was okay to get things off her chest, she never seemed to do it herself.

And Joohyun didn’t want for her to carry it all on her own.

She wanted her to know that she was there for her like Seulgi had been there for her.

“Seul?”

“Hm?”, Seulgi hummed in response, her gaze fixated on the plate in her hand.

“Earlier today… when we were talking about your birthday…”, Joohyun paused to observe the taller girl’s reaction.

The latter seemed to briefly stiffen at the mention of her birthday.

“You said you don’t celebrate it…and I wondered why not…”

Seulgi gulped and the grip on the sponge in her hands tightened.

“I never celebrated it anyways, so I don’t really see it as something important”, she smiled.

Joohyun knew she was forcing it again.

“You don’t seem fine about it though…”

“I am. Don’t worry, Hyun-ah”, Seulgi chuckled.

Her chuckles sounded empty.

“Seul…”

“It’s okay! Really!’’

“Seul.”

“Hm?”

“Could you please look at me?”

“Why?’’

“Because you are avoiding it.”

“I am not. Just focused on washing these plates before I grow old and tired.”

“Seul. Don’t lie to me.’’

The monolid girl stopped cleaning the plate in her hand, merely staring at it as if she was looking for some answer on it. Some escape.

“You told me I didn’t have to pretend to be fine. You told me to get things off my chest. And that you would be there for me when I needed it. So please follow your own advice… I know something is bothering you.”

Seulgi continued to stare at the plate, remaining motionless and silent.

And Joohyun observed her more carefully than ever before.

Just as the taller girl wanted to resume the cleaning of the dishes, the raven put her hands over hers.

“Seulgi-yah…”

The monolid girl blinked a few times.

“Open up to me.”

And with that, Seulgi closed her eyes as soon as a tear escape from them.

She pressed them shut trying to prevent the tears from falling and bowed her head as she leant on the sink with her hands.

Her heavy breathing filled the otherwise silent room.

Joohyun closed the distance between them as she embraced the taller girl from behind, laying her head on her back just beneath her shoulder.

“I…”, Seulgi took another deep breath, slightly trembling as she struggled to prevent the free fall of her tears. “I’ve always spent my birthdays alone…”

The older girl flinched at the new information.

“My… my parents never cared”, the taller girl inhaled sharply. “T-they were always t-too busy with their work for me…so I… I’ve always have been alone. Birthdays, holidays…a-and every other day…”

“I-I became s-so used to being alone, t-that I shut myself out. A-and I-I didn’t have any f-friends until Yerim became my roommate…I…I just wanted to get out of that house so b-badly.’’

Joohyun tightened her grip as she felt a throbbing pain in heart when Seulgi burst out crying.

The sound pierced through her soul, shaking and breaking it.

But she didn’t mind.

She was willing to go through all the ache in order to be there for her.

To let her know that she would be by her side no matter what.

Through trials and tribulations.

And that was okay.

Because Seulgi would do the same.

***

Joohyun crumpled the tenth piece of paper she had written that day and tossed to the corner of her desk.

Her fingers ran through her hair as she sighed in frustration, before she grabbed another paper.

“Is that for Seulgi’s birthday?”

She jolted at Sooyoung’s sudden appearance behind her as her best friend look over her shoulder to read what the older girl was writing.

“Don’t”, Joohyun warned as she put her arm over the paper.

“It totally is, isn’t it? A letter?”

“It’s none of your business.”

“But Hyunnieeeeee.”

“No buts”, Joohyun said as if it was law. “Anyways, did you guys already bought the cake and candles and stuff? The one I told you to get?”

“Yep! All has been done!”, Yerim gave her a thumbs up.

“So, remember, tonight at 5, I’ll meet up with her at school and try to keep her away from the room while you guys decorate it, alright? Send me a message when you’re done.”

“We will totally nail it”, Sooyoung said very matter-of-factly.

“I hope so…”

“Don’t worry too much, it’s bad for your heart. Specially with your age”, the tallest girl smirked.

“I am only two years older…”

“The statement remains true.”

“…you really can’t shut up for once huh?”

“Nope.”

***

Joohyun had suggested to take walk at the park and fortunately Seulgi had agreed.

She had noticed how the taller girl had seemed disheartened as they walked together, her usual bright and wide smiles replaced with smaller ones and less radiant.

The older girl really hoped that the surprise they had planned would work out and lift up Seulgi’s spirits.

She briefly thought about what the monolid girl had told her.

About the days she had spent in solitude.

And her heart hurt as if she felt Seulgi’s pain.

She wished she could take it all away.

But since it wasn’t possible, she at least hoped to alleviate it a bit.

Just like Seulgi did to her.

Joohyun locked their arms, earning a smile from Seulgi who then returned her gaze to the ground, something she had been doing almost the entire time.

The older girl opened her mouth to comment on it, but the vibrating phone in her pocket had caught her attention before she did.

She unlocked the phone, looking at the screen as quickly and subtly as possible.

Sooyoung had texted her.

It was time.

She put the phone back in her pocket and tightened her grip around Seulgi’s arm.

“Want to go home?”, she asked.

“Sure”, the taller girl simply answered.

Joohyun bit her lip at the gloomy tone in Seulgi’s voice.

“We can drink hot chocolate when we arrive. Sounds good?”, she suggested, hoping that the idea would cheer her up, even if for just a bit.

It seemed like it had caught the taller girl’s attention.

“Sounds perfect”, Seulgi said, a tiny sparkle flickering in her eye, small but at least present.

“Let’s go then.”

***

Seulgi grabbed the keys out of her pocket and Joohyun observed her carefully, feeling her own heartbeat accelerate and her throat getting dry.

She felt extremely nervous about the taller girl’s reaction to the surprise.

Her behaviour didn’t go by unnoticed.

“Are you okay? You seem a little tense”, Seulgi frowned.

Joohyun shook her head.

“No, I’m fine. Just thinking about the exams in two weeks.”

“Oh, don’t worry. You always nail them!”, the taller girl smiled.

“Sure hope so”, the raven said.

Despite having been absentminded and disheartened for the majority of the day, Seulgi still paid attention to the older girl, something the latter didn’t expect.

And it warmed her heart.

She really hoped she could return the favour.

Her heartbeat was loud in her ears.

The time seemed to pass by slowly as Joohyun observed the way Seulgi put the key through the lock and unlocked it.

How she opened the door and stepped inside the dark room.

How she took off her shoes before turning the lights on.

Joohyun observed how her eyes widened as she looked around the decorated room and how she slightly jolted at Sooyoung and Yerim’s sudden appearance behind the couch.

How she stood still, her mouth slightly open, no sound coming out of it, an unreadable expression in her eyes.

And how suddenly they got filled with tears and she put her hands over her mouth, slightly bending forwards.

“Happy Birthday Kang Seulgi!”, Yerim smiled.

Sooyoung and Yerim ran towards the monolid girl and embraced her while she cried.

Joohyun stood next to them, her cheeks hurting from the wide smile that had formed on her face.

Seulgi continued to sob as the younger girl’s caressed her back.

“I-I-I can’t believe you guys did this f-for me.”

“We gladly did it for you. But”, Sooyoung smirked as she shot a glance at the raven. “It wouldn’t have been possible if it wasn’t for Joohyun. It was all her idea.”

Seulgi wiped her tears, as they continued to stream down her cheeks, and turned around to look at the older girl.

The latter gulped at the way the taller girl’s eyes focused on her as the distance between them became smaller until it was non-existent when she felt Seulgi’s arms embrace her.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for this”, the taller girl whispered as she continued to quietly cry.

Joohyun felt herself getting pressed against Seulgi and closed her eyes as her head rested against her shoulder.

“You don’t need to thank me… you deserve it all, Seul…”

They remained in each other’s embrace for a few minutes.

Which had been more if Yerim hadn’t suddenly clapped loudly, startling the both of them.

“Okay, that’s enough. Let’s eat the cake. It looks good and I’m hungry.”

“Ditto”, Sooyoung grinned.

Seulgi laughed as she wiped off the remaining tears.

“Here you missed a spot”, Joohyun whispered as she let her fingers run over the taller girl’s cheek.

“Thanks”, she smiled.

Her crescent moon-shaped eyes sparkled, the light in them revived and Joohyun couldn’t have felt happier.

***

After singing and the blowing of the candles, they ate the cake and handed their presents to the monolid girl.

Sooyoung had given her an empty photobook, Yerim a set of 30 colourful crayons and Joohyun five rings, which for one of her fingers, since she knew the girl loved the accessories so much.

The older girl bit her lip as she took out a handwritten letter out her bag and handed it over to Seulgi who looked at her with curiosity in her eyes.

“Here, I wrote a letter…”, she said, her voice just above a whisper. “Read it when you are alone.”

“But I want to know what’s in it!”, Sooyoung whined.

“It’s none of your business Park Sooyoung.”

She observed how Seulgi let her fingers travel over the envelop, her lips curling up in a smile.

“I can’t wait to read it”, she said. Joohyun could hear the genuine tone in her voice and it tickled her insides.

She felt her cheeks burn as she thought of what she had written, of the letter she had put her whole heart into writing it.

And she hoped that Seulgi could feel it as well.

***

They ended up ordering Ddeokbokki, chicken and beer, eating it as they watched a few comedy movies.

A few hours later, Sooyoung and Yerim took their leave, with Joohyun giving the youngest girl a playful slap on her arm as she had managed to kick her out of her own room again.

They were washing the dishes, with Joohyun having volunteered to clean the plates since it was the taller girl’s birthday.

Though she had been looking at the plates, she had caught a sight of Seulgi through the corner of her eyes.

The latter had been constantly looking at her as she dried the dishes and Joohyun wondered why.

What was running through her mind?

Was it something bad? Something good?

Just as she laid down the plate, wanting to ask Seulgi about it, the taller girl closed the distance between them as she wrapped her in an unexpected hug.

“S-Seul?”, she stuttered as her heart skipped a beat.

The monolid girl didn’t answer.

Instead she pressed the shorter girl against her, breathing deeply, the air caressing Joohyun’s ear.

The older girl clutched Seulgi’s shoulders and rested her head against them.

“Thank you. Thank you for all of this…”

“You really don’t need to say that…besides you already thanked me earlier on…”, Joohyun smiled.

“I felt the need to do it again. I want you to know how grateful I am for everything that you have done for me…”

“Seul…’’

“This one of the best days of my life, you know? Thanks to you…”, Seulgi briefly paused. “Do you know what my other favourite day is?”

Joohyun quietly shook her head.

“The day I met you.”

The older girl bit her lip as she felt her eyes getting filled with a few tears. She buried her face in the taller girl’s shoulder attempting to hide them.

She felt her heartbeat accelerate, threatening to jump out of her chest, when she felt Seulgi’s breathing move away from her ear and downwards.

Her breath got caught up in her throat as she felt her skin melt under the touch of Seulgi’s lips against her cheek.

The first kiss on her cheek was gentle and short.

The second one lingered.

Joohyun’s nails dug slightly in the taller girl’s shoulder, attempting to calm down the burn in her stomach.

Seulgi slightly moved away from the older girl until their gazes met.

Joohyun bit her lip as she noticed the tender look in the taller girl’s eyes, and how they moved from her own down to her lips and back up.

“Hyun-ah…”, she whispered.

The raven gulped.

“Y-y-yeah?”

“Can I…”, Seulgi paused and Joohyun felt her finger tighten around her waist, indicating the taller girl’s hesitance. “Can I kiss you?”

Joohyun blinked a few times.

That moment felt surreal.

Like a dream.

A dream she hadn’t dared to think of it being true, afraid that it was all just an illusion.

But the look in Seulgi’s eyes told her it wasn’t.

It told her that she was right there and that everything was real and that she had meant every single word.

No words seemed to come out of Joohyun’s mouth as suddenly found it too hard to speak, her heartbeat drumming loud in her ears.

So, she nodded instead.

She felt one of Seulgi’s hands travel from her waist upwards and finally cupping one of her cheeks, gently holding her in place as brought herself closer.

Joohyun’s eyes slowly closed as she felt the taller girl’s hot breath caressing her lips.

She could feel the way Seulgi looked at her, despite having shut her eyes, before she finally removed any distance between their mouths.

It was soft and tender, and Joohyun could feel the taller girl’s genuine feelings being written on her lips.

Her sincerity.

She dug her nails deeper into the girl’s shoulders when Seulgi deepened the kiss.

The taller girl tightened her grip around the raven’s waist, pulling her closer, as if she was desperate to remove any distance, any bit of air between them.

Her grip prevented Joohyun from melting and falling as she felt her knees unbuckle.

She held on to Seulgi as if her life depended on it, kissed her as if it was their last day together.

And eventually, they ran out of air, and broke the kiss to breathe, their foreheads resting against each other’s, their noses softly bumping.

Joohyun felt Seulgi’s thumb gently wiping off the tears that streamed down her cheek and had been unnoticed by the raven.

“I am in love with you, Bae Joohyun…”, Seulgi whispered.

The older girl gulped as she felt another wave of emotions hit her, creating fresh tears

“Isn’t confessing something that is supposed to happen before the kiss?”, she softly chuckled.

“Hm… perhaps”, Seulgi smiled.

Joohyun didn’t need to look to know that her eyes were shaped in the crescent moons she adored.

“I am in love with you too, Kang Seulgi…”, she whispered before pressing her lips against the taller girl’s own, gently brushing them before carefully and slowly deepening the kiss.

Getting lost in Seulgi’s taste.

In her touch.

In everything that was her.

And she knew.

Knew there was no one else she wanted to get lost to.

Only her.

It would always be her.

From the very first day they met she had known.

And she didn’t wish for anything else.

Because Seulgi was enough.

She was her everything.

And Joohyun hoped that perhaps she would be hers too.


	3. Three (Final)

Hey Seul,

Right now, I’m writing a letter to you and for your birthday and to be honest… it’s a bit harder than I thought.

Because, as you have probably already noticed, I’m not very good with words. I have a lot of thoughts, but I am bad at expressing them.

But most of all, I’m scared of telling people about what I think or feel.

Which is why I have been cracking my brain for the last two hours, constantly debating whether or not to write something down.

An which is why I want to try to be as open as possible now.

Because out of all people, I feel like you are the one I should open myself to.

Scratch that.

Because out of all people, you are the one I trust the most, that I want to open myself to the most.

And the truth is… is that I have a lot of thoughts about you.

Did I ever tell you that how much I love the way your eyes look like crescent moons when you smile? The sight of your eyes never failed to capture my attention ever since the first day we met.

Did you know that your eyes spark a lot? Especially when you talk about something you are passionate about?

The sparks in them really remind me of both specks of sunlight and the stars. Pretty amazing how you hold both day and night in your eyes.

Did you know that I admire your persistence and hard work? Despite being a bit lazy with cleaning (guess we all have our imperfections), you always do things in the best way you can. I know you often see yourself as lazy because you procrastinate too much, but in reality, I know that once you start doing something, you are willing to go to the depths of hell to finish it. And I really admire that.

Did you know that I would stalk your Instagram to check out your artwork and photography? You are so talented; did you know that? You put so much effort in the things you love, and you often seem to find happiness in the smallest of details.

That’s how I started to appreciate the smaller things in life more. Because of you.

I was never one to notice those kinds of things. I lived in a world that was black-and-white, cold and numb.

Until you came along.

Did you know how much Yerim talks about you? Every time I met up with her (and Sooyoung because let’s be real… they are quite inseparable, aren’t they?), somehow, we always ended up talking about you. Yerim would tell me a lot about all the nights you two had spent talking, how she had never been afraid to talk to you about her problems and how fun, positive and kind you are. And Sooyoung and I would agree. Because it is true. Because we all feel the same.

You made my life worth living. You made me look forward to new days and mornings to wake up to.

However, I had also often wondered whether something was troubling you.

Sometimes, there would be this split-second when the usual sparks in your eyes, the light in you would be gone.

And seeing you like that hurt. Because the last thing I wanted was for you to be in pain.

When you told me about your past, I realized how your heart had been shattered in pieces.

I wished for the pain in you to be taken away, because you never deserved it.

I know that after all of those birthdays you spent alone, years you had no company other than yourself, you were unable to see how important you actually are.

But I want you to know, to believe, that you are.

Not only to me, but to Yerim and Sooyoung as well.

And I hope that you will realize that you are not alone anymore.

Not on this year’s birthday, nor any other birthday or other days.

You know… I’m sure that any stranger that saw you walking by, immediately smiled at the sight of you. Like I did.

Ever since the first day we met, I knew something had changed.

Your mere presence, the tranquillity and gentleness that you radiate… it really saved me.

You made the pain that I felt every day more bearable.

You did all of this, simply by being right beside me.

And to be honest… I feel like it was the universe’s way of giving me its blessing for once.

The biggest gift in my life was meeting you.

You opened my eyes and coloured my world.

But I want you to know that I care about you.

And that if something is troubling you, if something is heavy on your heart, if you feel like the pain is becoming unbearable, I will be right by your side as well… if you want to.

I will be there until skies become grounds, and grounds become skies.

My biggest wish is your happiness.

There is one last thing that I want to tell you…

…

I love you.

I’m scared that if I don’t say it right now, that I will never dare to do it.

So, I will say it again, because I want you to know. I want you to believe it. I want you to realize it.

I love you, Kang Seulgi.

And I always will.

\- Bae Joohyun

***

Joohyun entered the room as she searched for her phone, before being distracted by the sight of Seulgi holding a letter in her hands as she read it with a big smile on her face.

“What are you reading?”, the raven asked with a curious look in her eyes.

“The letter you wrote to me on my 20th birthday… I felt like reading it again”, the taller girl said as her smile grew wider.

“Ah… that letter”, Joohyun mimicked her girlfriend’s smile. “It’s been a few years huh?”

“Yea… 5 years…’’

“Time flies…”, Joohyun said.

For a moment, she felt a sting of pain in her heart as she thought about time. About how the clock ticked. About how it suddenly felt like a countdown to their last days together.

And it frightened her.

Would Seulgi ever get tired of her? Would she ever get bored? Would she stop feeling happy around her? Did Joohyun deserve her? Did she deserve this?

Seulgi seemed to have noticed the sudden shift in the raven’s eyes as she carefully laid down the letter on the bed and stood up, approaching the raven and gently wrapping her arms around her, pulling her close.

“Don’t worry…”, she whispered. Joohyun felt her breath caress her ear, and for a moment it felt like the same embrace as 5 years ago on Seulgi’s birthday when they had expressed their feelings for each other for the very first time.

The raven clutched her girlfriend’s shoulders like she had done back then, instantly calming her heart.

“I will be with you until skies become grounds, and grounds become skies.”

She felt a shiver run down her spine as Seulgi cited the words written in her letter, the back of her eyes burning with upcoming tears.

“I love you, Hyun-ah…”

“I…I love you too…”, Joohyun whispered, barely able to breath.

She felt fingers wipe off the tears running down her face.

Seulgi tenderly kissed her.

Kisses on her cheeks, her forehead, her nose, the corners of her mouth and finally her lips.

She smiled into the kiss and the taller girl smiled back.

“I think I just ruined my make-up…”, the raven softly chuckled.

“It’s okay. You always look beautiful anyways.”

Joohyun laughed.

“That’s a nice try, but we both know that Sooyoung and Yerim would bully the crap out of me if they saw me like this.”

“Yea… they totally would.”

“So, as much as I would love to stay in your arms and kiss you like this, I need to go fix my make-up and we need to hurry up before we miss their wedding and Seungwan scolds us until our ears bleed.”

Seulgi pouted.

“Seul…”

“I know… I know…”

Seulgi loosened her grip around Joohyun, but not before connecting their lips one more time to give her a deep kiss. One that would be engraved into the raven’s mind and replay like a tape throughout the entire day, making her barely able to focus on anything else.

Not that she complained though.

She would make sure to have more of those later, when the darkness of the night surrounded them as they laid in each other’s arms, and until the first specks of sunlight touched their skin, its glow unable to match the warmth in both of their hearts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this & until next time!


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